Some pieces of this very complicated puzzle that is our life are starting to fall into place and with those pieces is a sense of reality. This is really happening. We are really going to be living in Peru in 6 months. A year from now this will be someone else's home and I will be living thousands of miles from here. For so long all of our plans have seemed like a dream but now they are starting to be very real. It's like how I felt before I got married. I would think things like "I wonder who I will marry? Do I know him already? I wonder what he will look like? etc etc." Recently I've been thinking things like "I wonder where we will live? What hemisphere, continent, country? Will we have a little apartment or a little bungalow house? What language will I be speaking?". There is a definite excitement that comes with wondering those questions but also an uneasiness.
All of our plans have had a dramatic effect on how I think about things in my daily life. I realize how much I think about and plan for the future. Whether I am buying clothes off season for next year, making teaching commitments at church or registering Claire for ballet - it is all in the future. I'm constantly planning the next season while I am living in this one. But it's difficult because in our culture you have plan for the future right? I mean if I didn't plan for the future we wouldn't have anything to wear or do! Right? So the fact that our life as we know it meets a very definite end on June 30, 2009 has changed all that. I don't know what season clothes to buy for - (this one is driving me crazy! I may be missing a deal!), I don't have any activities to plan, vacations to research, work schedule to plan. It is just blank. Of course over the coming months those blank days will begin to take shape but in the mean time I'm being broken of my hyper-planning ways.
I am also being reminded in a MAJOR way how temporary everything is. It doesn't really matter what is hanging on my walls because someone else's pictures will be hanging on these walls soon. Do I really need to buy something that is going to be put into storage in less than a year? Do I really need _____ in my closet/cabinet/basement just to have it? I am struck by this because everything really is temporary. I know we've all heard this before but we can't take anything with us when we die. Aside from a few cherished antiques, heirlooms and photos most of my stuff will end up in a landfill eventually. That's sobering thought. I think that this is the mindset that God so desperately wants us to embrace. He wants us to really grasp the temporary nature of this world and the eternal nature of Him. Does it make sense to spend our time, effort, money and love on things that will turn to dirt one day or should we invest all of those things in things that will be around forever (aka eternity)? Sometimes God has to strong arm us (ME) into learning these truths. It is amazing to see how He is already working in our lives and hearts and we haven't even left the premises!