A Real Pro

I regret that I haven't had much active participation in this family blog, but I think that it is time. For a while now I have encouraged Megan to blog more frequently partly because she skillfully illustrates the nuances that make life in our family a sweet pursuit. But the main reason is that she possesses wisdom in the field of family that is not common. So, I will do what real bloggers do, and expound on observation. We sat at the table tonight with new acquaintances and introductions led to inquiries about home and career. In her typical response, Megan informed our new friends that she was educated as a pediatric intensive care nurse, but now stays home with our children. That is a true statement, but the pretense is false. I resent any need to qualify her status with explanations of advanced degrees and demonstrations of past expertise in technical and high stress professional roles. My wife is a professional if ever there was one. There are things in American society that are simply off-limits to talk about. Unless you want to instantaneously complicate your life, then never make observations about differences in racial culture, never suggest that someones obese child is a byproduct of an unhealthy home, and never criticize someone's performance as a parent. In the same way that teacher's unions behave as if there are no bad teachers, many people act as if (in the absence of physical or sexual abuse) there are no bad parents. As long as you provide love, and attempt at the basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter, then you are a good parent. Anyone who suggests differently is way out of bounds and has no right to criticize. It's the postmodern slant on parenting that says that there are only different parenting styles, and whatever works for you is right. Of course it is true that not every parent has access to the same resources. Many people didn't have good parenting examples themselves, nor wise mentors in this discipline. Many haven't benefitted from education or been exposed to a large worldview of varied life experiences. Of course, financial constraints and time constraints can limit the opportunities and mentorship that a parent can offer a child. With those thoughts in mind, allow me to relate my observations on what makes a loving parent a good parent, and what makes a good parent a great parent. Megan Shirley is the best parent that I have ever seen, and I have had a front row seat to the action. First, a great parent wants the job and loves the job. It's not an easy position. In fact it is frustrating and constant (and sometimes constantly frustrating). Children will be defiant and destructive. They will lose control of their emotions and embarrass you in public. The job starts on day #1 and continues unabated at least until adulthood. My observation of my wife was that when our infants cried at night she wanted us, their parents, to comfort them. It made no sense to her to relegate such a centrally motherly task to someone else so that she could catch up on sleep. This is the time of year in which you will undoubtedly hear a parent remark on how relieved they are that school is starting back. Of course, the insinuation is "these kids are driving me crazy!" Perhaps you have heard of well-off families in whom more children don't make financial sense. A great parent wants the job, especially the hard parts. Second, a great parent has talent. This is intuitive, and, of course, true. Years of education and a white coat don't make you a good surgeon. Answering questions on the bar exam doesn't make you a great trial lawyer. A podium and a lecture hall full of students don't make you a good teacher. And a baseball bat doesn't make you Mike Trout. Just try to tell someone that they don't really have the makeup to be a great one. A great parent is more than love and its more than effort. Of course those things are part of it, but great parenting takes wisdom, judgement, patience, intuition, and a host of other intangibles. It also takes a willingness to humble yourself and learn from the greats. Third, a great parent works at her craft. My wife has a BS nursing degree, and she absolutely has expertise in childhood education theory. Don't listen to her scoff at this claim; its true. She reads more than 50 books per year, many of which are on parenting and childhood education. She seeks out other talented parents and asks questions. She studies the personality types of our children and strategizes to change their hearts and not just their behavior. She fiercely protects what influences our children, and as they get older she understands that their is much to learn and anticipates the challenges. Lastly, a great parent is Holy Spirit-filled. In our house, Megan focuses our children on what is good, true, and beautiful. Anything less is not worth their time, attention or entertainment. She prays for our children, and discerns false truth. A great parent cannot depend on what the world, or even Christian pop culture has determined is acceptable or even beneficial. As Christians, we believe that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, so how can anyone greatly disciple their children without it? I joke that she should have a more lucrative talent, but partnering with Megan Shirley to raise our children is a source of immeasurable riches. Rhett

Crickets

We are in the dog days of summer here in the South. I've always loved summer. The combination of humidity, peaches, the smell of chlorine in your hair and late nights playing in the yard after dinner is irresistible to me. We've done swim team and vacation and now we are settled in a pattern of staying up late and sleeping in and blessed boredom has set in inspiring the kids to plan a playmobil city, build forts with boxes and put major mileage on their bikes and scooters. I can almost feel Fall starting to creep in with a few random leaves turning colors and seeing other kids heading back to school. I'm not ready! I love every second of all of us being together so much this summer and I'm not ready for it to be over!

We decided to take a quick overnight camping trip over the weekend. It was actually the first time we have tent camped and wanted to do a trial run with a paper and pen in hand to write down all of the stuff we need for future trips. We had a wonderful time and made a longish list of what we need next time! As we all tried to go to sleep that night in our tent someone said "I can't sleep! The crickets are too loud!!". I laughed remembering my first nights away at camp as a child and how loud the crickets were in our open air cabins and how that took getting used to! It also struck a cord for me because that is the phrase I have used to describe the movement/news in our adoption process for the last few months . . . nothing . . . crickets.

We were excited to get all of our paperwork logged in at the end of May. There is a long story of how we thought we had found a little girl on the "waiting child" list right around this time. I will save that story for another time because it is really difficult to tell and one that I had hoped we wouldn't have to as part of our adoption journey. As we moved past that situation we hoped to find our little girl soon but we've heard nothing. We have been told it can take up 6-9 months to be matched with a younger girl with a mild medical need but we thought our age range was a little wider and perhaps our medical needs list was a little longer so we didn't really think it would take that long. I saw many friends matched within days of their log in with children that were definitely similar age and medical need to what we are hoping for. The list comes out twice a month and I hold my breath, pray and get the email "I'm sorry to tell you that you have not been matched . . ." It is like seeing a negative pregnancy test.

So it's been tough. I've had to throw our "timeline" out the window. We've had to juggle vacation schedules and conferences and other commitments not knowing when we might be traveling to bring our daughter home. I guess I felt a bit of control in that. That is gone now. I would always say we hoped to have her home by then end of the year. Now I know that is not going to happen and it is tough. The journey to our 4th child has not happened on any kind of timeline similar to how I would have planned it! But the truth is I'm not in control and this is not "my" timeline. I am clinging to the hope and promise that God is in control of the ultimate timeline (which, by the way, is a whole lot longer than mine - as in eternity). My hope is in Him who is so much bigger than I am and sees all of time not just my vapor of a life. So, I'm waiting knowing that I am in very good company as there are many, many examples of people waiting throughout scripture. His word is encouraging and inspiring in the place that I am right now.

It seems odd because as I'm waiting instead of looking forward and living in the future I am so much more focused on each precious moment. I am so very, very grateful for each passing day and the time I have with my children. It does go by fast as the cliche says and I am intent on not missing out on the absolute wonder that each day is being a mother to children this age. I have hope that there will be another child in our family and her story will be grafted into our family in a miraculous way that only God can ordain. Until then we wait.

As I lie in my tent the other night listening to the crickets I was comforted. The cricket song is strangely beautiful. Not melodious by any means but longing, monotonous, loud and overwhelming . . . kind of the way my heart feels right now. I woke up pre dawn in the twilight and noticed the cricket song had died down. The sun was rising and the cricket song was fading. It was still there but much, much softer. Perhaps that is where we are and I don't even know it yet. Maybe, just maybe the dawn is coming the crickets are being silenced and we will awake to the news of our daughter soon.

Alphabet Soup

The adoption world is FULL of letters. There are abbreviations and acronyms for everything. It takes a while but soon these funny letter combinations are part of your everyday language, thoughts and prayers. There are a few major letters that we look forward to and celebrate as we attain them and can put a date by them. We've recently added a few letters to our "done" list: "DTC" means "Dossier to Ch!na" and it was a huge deal. Months and months of paperwork, interviews, approvals and authentications culminated in this beautiful packet of papers that represents us to our daughter's country. The way our agency handles the documents I wasn't able to hold the finalized, stamped and approved, stack of papers in my hands but nevertheless it was finally completed and shipped across the sea. It felt like such a victory to know that some part of us was in the same country as her. The next set of letters would come when someone took our dossier and logged it in the official system. When our papers were sent it was taking about 8-10 days to be logged in. Our agency said allow up to 3 weeks. Of course I knew all the buzz and was anticipating a phone call on day 8. It never came. It actually didn't come for 17 days. There were a group of us who had sent in our dossiers right around the same time who had this longer wait. Another family sent theirs in the day before us and it was approved in a week. I am fully convinced that someone picked up a stack of dossiers, put them on their desk, promptly got the flu and was out of the office for another week. It all worked out and we did get the next letters we were after . . . It is fun to celebrate each stop on the journey to our little girl. We hope she looks at our side of the journey she will how much she is loved now, even before she is in our arms forever.

Home Study

The first big step in any adoption is a home study. There are different requirements for domestic and international home studies so if you are contemplating adoption and want to start a home study you need to make that big decision first. Our agency, Lifeline Children's Services, has an office in South Carolina so we are considered an "in-state" family. This basically means a Lifeline social worker can handle all of our pre and post adoption needs as far as the home study goes (pre adoption) and post placement visits required by our daughter's country.

We started our adoption process in November of 2013 (see the timeline on the right). It was a busy time of year and we kept running into holidays but our social worker worked really hard for us and was able to schedule our visits pretty quickly. The home study isn't just a house inspection. While the social worker did spend time in our home and we did take her on a tour most of our time with her was telling her our entire life story. She interviewed us together as a couple and individually. We talked about every possible thing under the sun related to our marriage, parenting and adoption. We did a marriage assessment and talked over the results with her. Between our visits and phone calls we did a lot of education. Because we are adopting from a country that is part of the Hague Convention we had more education to complete. I found most of it really interesting and helpful. It was encouraging to see how much education is provided to help parents make appropriate decisions as part of the adoption process.

After we finished our meetings we waited for all of our criminal clearances, child abuse registry clearances and reference letters to come back in while she worked on writing up a huge report all about us. When she finished writing it we were able to give feed back to her as well as her supervisor and she made changes based on that. When a final copy was completed she sent it from Columbia (where she lives) to Charleston to be signed by her supervisor. Once it was signed by her supervisor she sent it back to Columbia to the South Carolina DSS (South Carolina has an extra step in the process where our home study has to be approved by the State). Unfortunately, our home study took the longest trip ever from Charleston to Columbia when it got stuck in the "epic snowstorm of 2014". It finally made it . . . just in time for President's Day so it got to sit at the UPS center for another day or so before it was finally delivered to DSS to await approval.

The home study process feels long . . . it is long. There is a lot of document chasing, meeting, reading and watching online videos. I remember feeling like I had done SO much yet I couldn't check a single thing off the "master adoption to do list". Everything I was working toward was just to check of that first thing - home study.

I've tried to take photos along the way of this part of the process because it is the very beginning of the story of our little girl joining our family. I look forward to showing her all of these pictures one day when I tell her that we were pursuing her before we even knew her.

The Miracle of Life

I think about the very first moment I saw my children's faces. That moment when you behold your child's face for the very first time . . . there is nothing like it. I remember thinking "Oh, so this is who you are!" and they felt instantly familiar. It was as though I had been longing for them forever. Their faces were just blurry and I couldn't quite make out who they are. In that moment their faces came into focus and it felt so right.

It was also a bit shocking.

Especially the first time I gave birth. I knew my daughter very well. I knew her movements, kicks and rolls. I knew the adorable quiver of her hiccups several times a day. I remember waddling into the hospital to go to work as a nurse and feeling as though we were a team. I shared my life and my body with her for 9 months and we had a relationship. I talked to her, prayed over her and even read to her. On her birth day, when after hours of labor, I finally saw her perfectly formed, marvelous little body emerging from my own . . . it was shocking. There. was. a. baby. in. there. What?? Even after feeling her kick and roll around and even seeing ultrasound images of her it was still startling and overwhelming to me. Simply a miracle. With the boys, I knew what to expect and that just added to the anticipation. Still, in that moment it is so amazing to fully appreciate the beauty of birth and the miracle of life.

It would seem that our journey to meet our newest daughter would be quite different but I actually see many similarities. This entire phase of the adoption is sort of like the throwing-up-every-fifteen-minutes-and-going-to-bed-at-8pm phase. Not too much fun but still the promise that it will be worth it . . . one day. The next phase is when we see our daughter's face in a photograph for the first time. It will start to feel more real as we have an image of who she is and learn a little bit about her story. Excitement will set in as we anticipate her arrival. The final phase is one last painful push of paperwork and travel as we make our way halfway around the world and walk into an office building and she is placed in our arms. That moment, I believe, will be very similar to the first time I held my 3 other children for the first time. There are likely to be tears from both of us and I fully expect to feel the same overwhelming sense of shock that this . . . is . . . our . . . child. There really is a child at the end of this process. This is who we have been falling in love with all of these months, waiting for, working for, saving for, sacrificing for. This is her.

Her face is a bit blurry right now in my mind, even in the photos we will eventually see of her we won't fully see her until she is in our arms. I expect to feel the same shock that I felt the first time I experienced such a miracle.

I can't think about the birth of my biological children and not think about the birth of my adopted child. I know her birth mother had a relationship with her before she was born. She felt those first little flickers of life kicking in her womb. She felt those flickers grow to kicks and rolls as time went on. Perhaps her birth mother felt the same shock I did when she gave birth and saw her child for the very first time. I may never know any more than that about our daughter's birth which is really difficult for me because I know it will be difficult for her one day. But as a mother I do know that life and birth is a miracle and I'm confident that every mother shares in the bond of that miracle. So I share that bond with her birth mother also. I also have the privilege of looking at the same little face she saw and experiencing that miracle again.

The Long Road

The road leading us to this child, this adoption, has been very long. My first realization that I wanted to adopt came when I was a child and saw a 20/20 report on the orphans in Romanian. The images of those children- shaved heads, starving, rocking themselves in their cribs - seared into my soul. My immediate response was that I wanted to help a child like that one day. My heart has always been soft toward children in need (hence my chosen profession of pediatric nursing). The images of those children were a small seed planted many years ago.

When I was in nursing school I had the opportunity to visit Haiti and work in clinics with a clinical mentor who also ran an orphanage. This was a pivotal experience in my life for many reasons. One of them being that I really fell in love with the kids and developed relationships with them. Thankfully, I was able to visit Haiti many times over a several year span and continue those relationships. They weren't just "orphans" to me. They were children who had unique personalities, senses of humor and talents. They just lacked a family (for a long list of reasons). At that point I could definitely imagine adopting a child. When Rhett and I were getting serious in our relationship I told him he had to come to Haiti with me if he wanted a future with me. Thankfully he came and also fell in love the the kids and we talked about adopting "one day".

Life moved along, we married and started our family. Claire was born and 21 months later Ford came along. By this time we were making plans to move overseas. While adoption was something we loved and supported it didn't seem possible for us at the time. Gus was born 6 months before we moved to Kenya. We said the whole pregnancy that this was probably our last biological child. Rhett would say it definitively while I would say it half heartedly - mourning the end of that baby making season of our life. I definitely wanted to add to our family and after having 3 children in less than 3 1/2 years the idea of adoption did sound like a great option! We had our first visit to Lifeline Children's Services around that time. We learned about their different programs, timeframes and wait times. We went to Kenya thinking that when we came back we would adopt.

While we were in Kenya I watched my baby grow into a toddler and passed the point where I was usually pregnant again. I started to really want another biological child. In the meantime, our cross cultural experience living in Kenya had challenged us and changed us. We wondered if international adoption was really the best thing for us. Rhett was content but I was yearning for more children. The adoption spark dimmed in my heart and I entered a long season where I really desired another biological child. There were times that I would consider adoption as a way of adding to our family again but I was honestly so focused on having another biological child that it seemed very distant and not really a viable option anyway. When we moved back to the USA we were starting from scratch. We were in no way prepared to financially to start an adoption. Having another biological child seemed like the only option to have a child at all. Obviously we never had that biological child or I wouldn't be writing this.

One day I woke up and realized the pursuit for another biological child was over and we needed to move on. We had another serious adoption conversation. I really desired a newborn because my heart was yearning for another baby. I am one of those people who love pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, newborns, babies . . . all of it - I LOVE EVERY SLEEPLESS MINUTE. We considered domestic newborn adoption and had some hang ups. I remember praying and telling God that if He didn't want us to have another baby then He would need to change my heart. I didn't really think He would. I mean, I l.o.v.e. babies. How could that change? Well, imagine my surprise when over the course of a couple months it did. I saw people with newborns and realized how great it was to not have any children napping, or sitting in a high chair, or even needing a stroller! I thought of lugging around an infant car seat again and instead of having nostalgic pangs for babyhood . . . I didn't feel anything. How strange? What was God doing?

That led us to a decision to adopt . . . a toddler or young child (younger than our youngest was our thought). We decided to look into domestic options. We prayed, sought wisdom and made decisions as we researched what those options were. In the end we were surprised to find ourselves contemplating international adoption again. It seemed as though we had come full circle.

We were both a little surprised when we realized we were adopting a child from Asia! Asia isn't familiar to us. We've spent a lot of time in Haiti, traveled around Europe, lived a short time in South America and two years in Africa. We've spent 24 hours in Bangkok once and that was as close as we felt to the whole continent! It is neat that God is stretching us in that way. Giving us a gift we never expected.

Everyone has a different story of how they came to adopt. Ours is a long, winding tale that spans years. So many times we thought we had a plan. We thought we had the best plan. Sometimes wrestling those plans out of our hands was a long painful process. When I finally stopped and sought God and asked Him to change my heart (not give me what I longed for) He gave me a wonderful surprise. A route I never really imagined to our daughter in Asia. If I'm honest, I kicked and screamed and had hissy fits leading me to that point. I thought I had a better plan, an easier plan, a cheaper plan. My heart is so full of thankfulness at His MERCY. I can't tell you how often I think "I'm so glad I didn't miss this" - and we don't even know who our child is yet! I'm so glad I didn't miss this entire process and being part of the AMAZING community of people who I have met as an adoptive parent. My heart is full of thankfulness that I didn't miss this opportunity to be a part of something so much bigger than me and my plans. I'm thankful that adoption is a part of our life, our family and our story.

Expecting

Ex-pect verb 1. to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of 2. to anticipate the arrival of one's child origin: Latin ex (s) pectere: to look out for, await

Yes, friends we are expecting again. In them most marvelous and wonderful way, that only God could orchestrate, we are expecting (looking forward to, watching, looking for and awaiting) our next child. There are a lot of unknowns with this precious little one. Instead of doctor appointments and ultrasounds we have had social worker visits and fingerprint appointments. Instead of my waistline growing I have a bulging binder of documents on my table. To see our family you wouldn't know that we are expecting but we are praying for and dreaming about our little girl who is on the other side of the world right now. We are pursuing her with love as we step out in faith to open our family and home to a little girl who has neither.

Being "paperwork pregnant" is definitely a strange experience. So many questions and not a lot of answers at this point. Just waiting and waiting. We are thankful that our daughter's country has a very solid adoption process. We know exactly what the steps are and approximate waiting times for each step. We celebrate each milestone we reach and move on to the next wait. We are a busy family with 3 young children so as difficult as the waiting can seem we aren't really suffering very much with as full as our life is in this season. However, there is a precious little girl waiting for us and her waiting is much more difficult. I don't yet know what her circumstances are. Perhaps she is in a loving foster home with an adoring foster mom and dad or perhaps she is in a great orphanage that provides love and meaningful interaction. I like to think and hope that she is in one of those situations but the honest truth is that she may not be. She may be in a more difficult orphanage situation. When I think about the way my first three children spent their early years and how that might compare to where our daughter is right now my heart breaks. It drives my sense of urgency as I work toward bringing her home and redeeming those years without her.

But for now we wait. We look forward, we anticipate and we watch for her. We pray that God will supernaturally love and protect her until she is in our arms. We pray that He will send others to love her so that she is better able to receive our love one day. We welcome you to follow along on this journey with our family as we bring our daughter into the love of our family . . . forever.

P.S.

I've read a lot of adoption blogs over the years. It seems surreal that this blog now carries that title too. I am excited about recording our journey here for our family as well as an encouragement to those of you who might be considering adoption as a way to grow your family however some details aren't appropriate to share in this forum. I am very aware of the fact that our daughter will likely read this one day and I want to respect her privacy. I also want to protect the adoption process for others who will come behind us on this journey by being respectful of her birth country in East Asia and the process they have set forth for the adoption of children from her country. If details seem cryptic or sketchy as I write this may be the reason. I'm happy to correspond with you directly so please don't hesitate to post a comment.

Because he asked me to . . .

Hi. It's me. It's been awhile . . . The last time I was here, I was sitting at my dining room table at my house in Kenya taking one last, tearful, deep breath before loading all of our possessions and children into various vehicles and trekking 10,000 miles around the globe (again) headed for "home". The problem was although we felt like we were going home in a lot of ways we also felt like we were leaving home. Our children definitely felt like they were leaving the only home they really remembered. It was rough. But we dried tears and said good bye to our van, Winnie; our dog, Kuli; our house help, Esther; our yard worker, Jesse; our language teacher, Edward; the vegetable ladies at the market; Sarah at the Duka and all the other extraordinary people we are privileged to call friends in Kijabe that had become so familiar and, well, home, over the last 2 years of living life there. We watched one last magnificent sunset over the Great Rift Valley and thanked God for allowing us the opportunity to come, serve, live, see and experience life in that place. What a special hillside in Africa . . . Our last sunset in Kijabe We landed in Atlanta (after a short detour in London) and fell into the arms of our family. I'm pretty sure everyone at the airport heard the shouts of joy and excitement as we were all reunited again. Seeing our kids with their cousins was so special. They were running around in circles out of sheer joy despite 34 hours of travel. And just like that it was over. All the years of thinking, dreaming, praying, talking, saving, researching, reading scripture, searching for helpful blogs, reading books, training, meeting new friends along the same journey as us . . . it ended right there in the airport that night when we came "home". It's hard to describe all of the emotions involved in such big life decisions and changes. We knew that we were supposed to come back but it was still hard. There was a lot of grieving mixed into the happiness. Cousins at the airport Thankfully we planned a time of reentry debriefing at MTI in Colorado Springs. That sounds awfully complicated and serious but honestly it was just a little space. It was wonderful to be surrounded by people who understood us, our struggles and triumphs. We had time to think and process our experience and reenter life in the US well. They also did a phenomenal job helping our children adjust well. We still use some of the tools they taught them as we navigate life and transitions along the way. After living on the equator for 2 years we were thrilled when an unexpected late October storm blanketed us with a gentle covering of snow. Seeing our children giddy with excitement while sledding and taking long walks alone through the quiet, white woods was just what our souls needed as we prepared to step into a new life. It's difficult to summarize the last 2 1/2 years of our life. There have been some wonderful times and, honestly, a lot of struggles as we made a life in a new city where we basically knew a handful of people. But God has been gracious and faithful as we have grown closer to Him on this journey. Our marriage is stronger, our family is so close, our children have remarkable understanding, faith and compassion because we followed Him. I can't really describe what it is like to come back to everyday life after being gone for quite a while. When you first get here it is like everything is in HD. Everything seems sharp and clear and bright. Somethings are overwhelming but, no, I didn't end up in the fetal position on the cereal aisle. Everyone seems so busy, preoccupied and indifferent - almost arrogant. The smart phone invasion happened while we were away. Everyone is SO busy. I wouldn't really describe what I felt as culture shock (at least not the way I've experienced culture shock in the past). That vividness fades as things being to normalize again and feel familiar. We moved to a new city, Rhett started a new job, the kids started school and I tried to make a home. And so the past 2 years and 4 months have been filled with normal life. Work, school, sports, church and eventually even friends (although I really gave up on having friends ever again at one point). We have struggled in a lot of private areas and triumphed in others. We've grown closer as a family and closer to God. We have entered such a marvelous sweet spot with our children who are now 4, 6 and 8. Their little lives are flashing before our eyes. I still think of myself as a mom of really young children then I realize I HAVE AN 8 YEAR OLD. What in the world? As much as I grieve the passing of those precious years of babyness and toddlerness my heart has exploded with love and acceptance of these amazing little people I have the privilege of sharing my life with. Their minds are creative and insightful. They are so much FUN! They still think their Daddy and I are they best thing ever and want to spend all of their time with us. I try to dwell on how much fun we are having and how easy they are to be around right now so I don't get sad thinking about how they are not so little any more. So why am I blogging again? Well, as the title of this post says "he asked me to". Rhett has been asking me for a while if I would start writing again. I blamed it on our dinosaur of a computer and lack of time (both good excuses). But if I'm being honest I didn't even know what or how to write for a really long time. Even when I was in Kenya I had a hard time knowing how to write in a way that was honest, encouraging and good. When we got back life was a whirlwind in so many ways. I don't even think I could articulate how I was feeling and didn't feel like anything I had to say was worth reading most days. But, I appreciate and value what my husband says so I told him I'd think about it (hoping he wouldn't bring it up again). But he did. Again and again. He even got us a snazzy new computer and said "Does this mean you are going to write again?". Maybe he sees something in me that I don't see because I really don't think that I have much to say (I mean is any one still reading this?). And I have a few concerns . . . the blogosphere has changed a lot since I was here last. This started out as a way for our extended family to see our day to day life with babies because we lived at least several hours away and visits weren't frequent. It grew to a place for me to share and continue to keep record of our lives as we lived overseas. I'm very thankful for the journal I have of those times. But I feel like times have changed. Every time I turn around I'm reading blog post by someone (who usually has about 14 readers a month) who posts something and it goes viral on Facebook and next thing you know 76,000 people have read what you have to say. Not that I think more than 14 people really care what I have to say but I kind of thought of this as my little corner to share with friends and now it feels less like that. And there has been more than one occasion when I've made a social media blunder and regretted typed words. I love to blog and think and wonder and pose questions but sometimes others can hear those ponderings as judgmental, harsh or take them personally. So I'm trying to be mindful of this platform and realize that it's not my personal space to talk as much as it may seem but I also think Rhett is right. I need this space. My introvertedness shines as I write to process and think and share. Maybe a time comes to make this an actual private space but I've met some pretty awesome people through my blog and by reading others and I don't want to give that up if I don't have to. So, I'm back. Thanks to my husband who asked me to crank this old machine up again. I think I've got a little cleaning up to do around here! I've got a long list of things I can't wait to talk about and share. I'm thankful for a husband who loves me and loves to hear what I have to say here. I'm thankful that he knows me well enough to see that this is a good place for me to be. .

Starting to say good-bye . . .

Well the time has come. It is hard to believe that in one week we will be headed back to the U.S. . . . home. Which is strange because somewhere along the way this actually started feeling like home. So now we are headed back to our old home but grieving the loss of this home and all we have here. Moving is always complicated and emotionally challenging but I think moving cross-culturally amplifies things. What if I am one of those people who arrives in America, heads straight to Wal-Mart and ends up in the fetal position on the floor overwhelmed with all of the choices and excess? I doubt it because I am really looking forward to shopping but you never know what can happen so I'm trying to prepare myself.

I'm trying to prepare the kids the best I can. I told Ford the other day "When we live in America we won't wash our dishes in the sink. We will have a big box that we put them in and when we take them out they will be clean" and "We won't hang our clothes out on the line either. We will put them in another box to dry them". Mostly the kids are the saddest about leaving our dog which I knew would happen we we got the dog but she has been worth it. We are all in different states of limbo - sometimes really excited about what is waiting for us and at other times really sad about what we are leaving. Which can be confusing with all of us at different states at different times!

I know we will be OK once we get there and get a little settled. But this in between time is killer. I feel like someone is pulling a band aid off really slowly for about two weeks.

Rhett's colleagues in the AIDS Relief training program hosted a going away party for him and two others in the program a couple of weeks ago. It was amazing. I can't believe the effort they put forth for us. Here is the party in pictures . . .

We drove about 40 minutes away to a hotel in Limuru for the party.

Now this looks really safe . . .


The setting of the party . . .



Our good friend and Rhett's colleague, Millicent.



The kids enjoying a lunch (mostly chipatis their favorite Kenyan food)



There are no words for this picture. I'm just thankful there are a lot of people at there praying for our safety.



Rhett giving his speech. There were speeches all around. Even I gave a speech! Their culture is still quite formal which I really enjoy. There are speeches and ceremonies and greetings.



This was during the gift presentation



This is the AMAZING photo collage they gave Rhett as one of his many parting gifts. You will find this proudly hanging in his new office I'm sure!



This cake sure looks good . . . but it's not really. We learned early on that Kenyans do not like sweet desserts so things often looks so yummy then you dig in and realize there is about 1/2 teaspoon of sugar in the whole cake - not so yummy.



Trying to get a group photo . . .



So that was our wonderful send off from an amazing group of people who work really hard to care for people who are often ignored or despised in their culture. The stigma of HIV is changing every so slowly but there is still a long way to go.

Many more good byes in the days to come . . .

Your generosity has done this . . .

Late last year, through a long variety of circumstances, we came to know of some refugees from a communist country in Africa. This group of men had been arrested during a church service - that was their crime. The next 7 or so years they were imprisoned in different military prisons. At one point they spent several years in shipping containers in the desert of this hot country. They were only let out to relieve themselves twice a day. They were tied up, tortured and beaten. Then the were moved to a solitary confinement prison work camp. They were only let out of their underground cells to do hard labor during harvest time. Remember their crime was attending a worship service.

Finally they were able to orchestrate an escape attempt during their labor time in the fields. They ran through thorns, encountered a leopard, were separated from each other and each met individuals who did what they could to help them escape to a neighboring country. It was there that they were helped by Voice of the Martyrs to come to Kenya. And from there they were brought to Kijabe for care after their years in captivity. Rhett was asked to see them and address their health issues and from there our very special friendship started.

They joined us in our home for a meal. What do you serve people who have been in prison for the last 7 years? I was a little nervous. I bombed on the meal. I went bland on the food thinking anything spicy might be too much for them and it turns out their native food is quite spicy and my potato soup wasn't much of a hit. Cupcakes for dessert? Too sweet. They also ate them with a fork which I thought was cute! Anyway, we sat around our dining room table honored and humbled to have these persecuted Christians in our presence. They were mere weeks from their escape ordeal. They were emaciated and had a look in their eyes like photos I've seen from concentration camp victims. Physically the needed time to heal from their past and emotionally as well.

One feeling I had as we talked with them was that they seemed to have forgotten how to smile. They looked around nervously and seemed awkward when it came to smiling. Then at one point it was time for my kids to go to bed and asked them to go say good night to our guests. Claire walked in and gave a corporate "Good Night" but Ford started around the table with a "Good Night" and a hug and and kiss for each person. It was as if time stood still and my little 3 year old blonde angel gave the first loving touch and affection to these men that they had received in years. And something amazing happened. Smiles and tears. I felt as though God was giving them a little love through Ford right there and telling them it was OK.

We are thankful for our friendship with these special guys. We have continued to keep in touch with them and Rhett has seen them on a couple occasions since our first meeting. All of you who have supported us financially have also been a part of this story. We were able to pay for all of their medical and dental bills as well as their substantial bill for counseling at a center in Nairobi who helps refugees deal with the horrors of their past. We found it an honor to help our brothers in Christ and we wanted to make sure you knew what part you played in helping them too.

That has been one of the most amazing and fulfilling part of being here. We are able to truly see and know the needs first hand and have the privilege of helping and showing compassion to those around us. Thank you for your support that makes this possible. Please continue to pray for our friends. They have a long road to travel. They can never return to their country. They struggle with the thoughts of what might have happened to their families in response to their escape. But they have joy in Christ and have faith that inspires.

Sweet home . . . South Carolina?

This blog announcement is way overdue! Most of you who know us personally know by now that when our 2 year commitment with World Medical Mission ends in October we will be moving here . . .





Greenville, South Carolina! We are so excited about our new town. I hear it is great. I haven't actually been there (except for cheerleading camp at Furman in 12th grade) but everyone says it is a great town! Rhett did actually go and interview and was able to get a glimpse of our new home and his report was great too. When we first started talking about this job opportunity in Greenville we were just looking on the internet for information and photos and one site said "Greenville is known as the Athens, GA for adults". If you know us then you know that had our attention! Rhett has been blessed with an amazing job that has a lot of diversity, a big group of partners (unusual in ID) and the opportunity to teach in the residency and medical school there. We are amazed at this provision for our family.

Now we just have to get there! We are in about 2 1/2 weeks away from our departure from Kenya. It is very emotional and stressful. I thought coming here was difficult but, man, going the other way is tough too. Lots and lots of transition. I hesitate to start packing because, honestly, I don't know when we will unpack again. I'm trying to care for each of my children's hearts in the way that they need it as we guide them through this time of transition. I know everyone always says how resilient kids are and quick to adjust but speaking from a childhood full of major moves all over the place - it is tough. It is sad. Not to mention all of the cultural adjustments they will have to make. So even when my head is swimming I have to stay steady for the little ones who look to us as parents to know if all is right in the world.

One of the difficult parts of leaving Kenya is that everyone wants your stuff. I've heard others who left talk about how stressful this was to deal with but didn't understand until I had people knocking on my door early on Saturday morning asking to reserve Rhett's underwear. People at the hospital have been paging Rhett all week asking about our sale. One person wondered if we were selling "extra laptops" and another wanted our "sound system". What are we Best Buy? We have some old clothes and toys that aren't coming back with us but no "extra" lap tops to sell. Culturally it is important that we have this "sale" for the community so we are putting our junk on our porch and letting them come and get it. (I did learn earlier this summer that you can't give it away for free. Someone tried that and it caused a stampede and people were getting hurt. So I will "sell" our stuff for garage sale prices after letting our workers and close friends take what they want). After that it should be pretty easy to pack our life up into 10 suitcases and get ready for the long trip home. In the next 6 weeks we will travel to London, Athens, Ga; Boston, Colorado Springs, Atlanta, Birmingham and Dalton, GA before finally moving to Greenville.

Whew. Then we will finally be settled. Nope. We don't actually have a place to live so we are being creative (and cheap) and living here for a while . . .



That's my parents' motorhome and it will be our humble abode for a time while we look for a house or another longer term housing arrangement. We just found out about an ID Christmas Party that we need a babysitter to attend. Rhett is begging me to let him drive the motorhome to the party and park it with the kids asleep outside. Needless to say I've made other arrangements! It will honestly be a fun way to start and make the transition from our life in Africa to life in American a little easier - kind of a baby step. And every house I look at will seem HUGE compare to the motorhome!

Anyway, that is an update. I have lots of blog posts hanging around in my mind that I hope to actually post before we leave. I've left a lot of gaps during our time here and I hope to fill some in. Thanks for praying for our family as we say many good-byes and start to feel unsettled.

Very Green Missionaries

Life here in Kijabe is many things. One thing I have added to that list is "green". Now I am by no means a tree hugging environmentalist. My environmental philosophy goes something like this: I care for the creation but worship the Creator. Anyway, no doubt about it life here is considerably greener than our old life in the US. A few examples:

We have no heat and no a/c. We have a fireburning fireplace for the cold months (which is essential because, yes, there are cold places in Africa and Kijabe in July is one of them). It never gets hot enough to want or need an AC.

My refrigerator is slightly bigger than the one in my dorm at Brumby Hall at UGA. But you know what? We manage. We get creative with packing things in there and it is fine. Our oven is also tee-tiny. It does have 4 burners and can hold exactly one pan in the oven. But it also works fine for our family.

Our hot water heater runs for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening. We have warm showers and enough warm water to wash out dishes through the day.

We grow some of our food in our garden and buy a lot of our food locally.

We have a car that we drive occasionally. We drive it locally due to the steep terrain and the logistics of shopping and walking along dangerous roads with three little kids. But when we drive it locally it is never more than a mile round trip. Rhett walks to work each day. We drive further to Nairobi a few times a month.

We do have a washer but no dryer. Which means that all of our clothes get hung out on a line to dry each day. Don't believe what those advertisements say about being "April Fresh" and "Windy Breeze" scented. If you are lucky your clothes smell like nothing. If the wind is blowing in the wrong direction there is a long list of unpleasant things your clothes can smell like.

So you see, I have enough carbon credits stored for the next little while to do exactly as I please. (I don't actually believe in carbon credits by the way :) So if you happen to run into me in the US and I'm driving around in an exceptionally large vehicle, idling at the drive thru with the windows down and AC cranked up just know that I'm working on that carbon credit balance and things are all good.

A blog worthy event . . .

In my lack of blogging I've missed a few milestones. One, in particular, I needed to go back and document for our family. Back in May Ford learned how to ride a bike!



Normally, this is a huge deal for any little kid but considering the fact that he was 3 1/2, had his sister's rickety bike and a 20 x 20 concrete pad it is a small miracle.

Gus's thing is playing ball - Ford's is his bike. It is fun to see them doing things that reflect their own desires and interests. Ford spends a lot of time riding in circles around our little basketball court. Finally Rhett just said he thought he could do it and took his wheels off. I thought he was crazy. "He's three! He has to continually turn because the concrete area is so small - that's too hard! He needs to learn to go straight first!" I stood there making a million excuses why he couldn't do it while Rhett quickly removed the training wheels and Ford started riding his bike. So much for excuses!



We were all SO proud and jumping up and down from excitement. He was Mr. Cool just riding his bike like he'd been doing it for years. I love this boy.

'Round here

What have we been doing?? Who knows! We had a steady stream of lovely visitors for a while. Rhett climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro (which deserves it's own post) and other than that our days have been very normal. This is a busy time of the year in Kijabe because many people leave during the long school break so Rhett has been up to his eye-balls with work, being on call (a lot) and teaching responsibilities for various things. So what does "normal" look like? Here are some photos from the last few months . . .

I celebrated yet another birthday! I pray this year is the best one yet!



Gus woke up for the last time in his crib . . .




And took his first nap in a big boy bed . . .



We play with sticks in the dirt . . .



And we climb trees - oh, boy do we climb trees . . .











I wonder where they learn how to climb . . . oh yeah - they have good teachers!



Ford eats as much passion fruit as he can handle . . .



We play "muddy river" and get a little dirty . . .



So we build a little bridge . . .



We turn roller skates into pets and take them everywhere . . .



We turn rakes into horses and race around the yard . . .



We bite on sticks for some unknown reason . . .



We bite on sticks because our big brother did . . .



We love our dog, Kuli . . .



We drink chai with our outside worker, Jesse . . .



We spot the most amazing birds in our yard . . .



Gus has this reaction to his first day of potty training . . .



But is getting the hang of it!



Claire read Green Eggs and Ham so she got to eat some green eggs of her own . . .



The boys drink more chai and eat more passion . . .



Claire prefers hers black (with sugar) like her Mama . . .



And when you are learning how to use the potty and you don't have a dryer it can get a little complicated . . .




So that is us - every day. Some big stuff and a lot of little stuff that makes up our life. It's wonderful.